The MississaugaWatch Sniff Test

This question is the MISSISSAUGAWATCH Sniff Test for all Ontario municipal Mayors and Councillors:

Do you support asking the Ontario government to extend the investigative authority of the Ontario Ombudsman to include municipalities?

If the answer is not an UNQUALIFIED "Yes!", ask "Why not?" and proceed with extreme caution.


MIRROR: Complete Mississauga Judicial Inquiry Transcripts

HEY TORONTO STAR! FOR LAUGHS, TODAY I DROPPED DOWN 80 BUCKS AND NOW THIS (ALMOST) 60 YEAR OLD FEMALE IS A SECURITY GUARD TOO!

September 19th, 2009  

YAY TORONTO STAR! GOOD ON YA!

FOR LAUGHS, THE (59 YEAR, 11 MONTH, 19 DAY OLD MISSISSAUGA MUSE, WWW.MISSISSAUGAWATCH.CA IS NOW A SECURITY GUARD TOO!

Everyone read the Toronto Star front page?!

Star investigation: Fake diplomas, false promises

$80 and I’m a security guard

For $160, the Star’s Brett Popplewell became a licensed security guard and private investigator — two jobs he has no idea how to perform

Sep 18, 2009 04:30 AM

Comments on this story (151)

Brett Popplewell
Staff Reporter

I drop by the Ministry of Community Safety and Correctional Services with a passport photo in hand. I complete an application form to be a security guard at a cost of $80. The clerk asks if I’d also like my private investigator’s licence. I ask what’s the catch? They say another $80.

“No training?” I ask.

“Just $80.”

80 bucks and just like that you can get a Security Guard license?!  I tell you that explains City of Mississauga Corporate Security Misstapo knobs and knobettes!

So I left this comment at Torstar.

you know, for fun? I’m going to buy a security guard licence!

Really.

Submitted by MISSISSAUGAWATCH.ca at 10:54 AM Friday, September 18 2009
Agree 9 | Disagree 1 | Alert a moderator

Not to be outdone, another Toronto Star reader committed to dropping down 80 and outranking me.

I’m Going for the P.I. Badge

Mississaugawatch is going to buy a security guard licence. I’m going to go for the Private Investigator one myself. I grew up wanting to be Mike Hammer, Philip Marlowe, and Sam Spade. I might just pay the $240.00 and be all three.

Submitted by Janosik at 11:31 AM Friday, September 18 2009
Agree 2 | Disagree 2 | Alert a moderator

Now I could’ve bought a Private Investigator’s license for my 80-bucks but I figured a Security Guard license would have more “legs” (aka: Giggles).

So I grabbed an old never-used passport photo, hopped on a GO Train, headed for 777 Bay Street, 3rd Floor, and dropped down 80-bucks. Now get this, I’m female and just three weeks shy of my 60th birthday yet it took the guy at the desk just 3 minutes and 33 seconds to process me and that included him being the guarantor of my photo!

HAHAHAHAAHAAHAH!

I videotaped the entire thing and bet your boots in less than two weeks, I’ll have a Security Guard card! I can’t WAIT!

COURTESY TORONTO STAR: Star reporter Brett Popplewell obtained a security guard licence for $160 with no training and no experience.

HAHAHAHAAHAAHAH!

When I was filling out the application form, I entertained that just for a lark I would try and talk my 86-year old father into buying an Ontario Security Guard licence too. And that got me thinking…

Ontarians! Fo’ fun! Let’s try and set the Guiness Book of Records for the oldest person to buy a Private Security Guard license!

Also I’m claiming the Ministry of Community Safety and Correctional Services record as the quickest Ontario Security Guard application-processing at 3 minutes 33 seconds!

Anyway, this is to the Toronto Star.

I LOVE YOU TORSTAR!

That out of the way regular readers know the routine by now.

Video of me buying my Ontario Security Guard license and then the transcript. Note the voice of the Ministry of Community Safety and Correctional Services processor was turned into a chipmunk-voice for Privacy reasons.

Video: HEY TORONTO STAR! NOW I’M A SECURITY GUARD TOO! (3:43 sec)

(Click here to go directly to the clip on YouTube)

VIDEO TRANSCRIPT

[NOTE: The errors I made filling in the form were not on purpose. I really am that flaky.]

MISSISSAUGAWATCH (hands over Canadian Citizenship papers and waits)

MINISTRY OF COMMUNITY SAFETY AND CORRECTIONAL SERVICES:

[inaudible] take your driver’s licence, ok?

MISSISSAUGAWATCH

Yeah, that’s ok.

(re-folds Canadian Citizenship paper and puts inside wallet)

MINISTRY OF COMMUNITY SAFETY AND CORRECTIONAL SERVICES:

Thank you.

[inaudible]

MISSISSAUGAWATCH

I’m not sure where to fill out the part about whethjer you want to be a Private Investigator or a Security Guard. Is it on the front page you fill it out or where?

MINISTRY OF COMMUNITY SAFETY AND CORRECTIONAL SERVICES:

You filled it out for Security Guard.

MISSISSAUGAWATCH

Did I? OK, I did it.

MINISTRY OF COMMUNITY SAFETY AND CORRECTIONAL SERVICES:

Yuh.

(pause)

This is the first time you’re applying for a Security Guard license?

MISSISSAUGAWATCH

Yup.

(longer pause)

MINISTRY OF COMMUNITY SAFETY AND CORRECTIONAL SERVICES:

Just change your Date of Birth to today’s date?

[inaudible]

MISSISSAUGAWATCH

Oh, I got contact lenses in. Do I just scritch —scratch it out?

MINISTRY OF COMMUNITY SAFETY AND CORRECTIONAL SERVICES:

Yes, please.

MISSISSAUGAWATCH

I got contact lenses so I can’t see very well—

MINISTRY OF COMMUNITY SAFETY AND CORRECTIONAL SERVICES:

Oh, I see.

MISSISSAUGAWATCH

—when I’m writing. I can see well the other time.

(pause and hands application form back.)

Sorry about that.

MINISTRY OF COMMUNITY SAFETY AND CORRECTIONAL SERVICES:

No problem.

Thank you.

(pause…)

“I’m just signing for your guarantor.”

MISSISSAUGAWATCH

OK, Great.

(long pause)

MINISTRY OF COMMUNITY SAFETY AND CORRECTIONAL SERVICES:

[inaudible]

“What happens now is it takes our office five business days to process the application.”

MISSISSAUGAWATCH

OK.

MINISTRY OF COMMUNITY SAFETY AND CORRECTIONAL SERVICES:

And, if it’s approved and issued, we’re gonna mail it out. It usually takes three to five business days.

MISSISSAUGAWATCH

OK. Great.

MINISTRY OF COMMUNITY SAFETY AND CORRECTIONAL SERVICES:

And, if it’s approved and issued, we’re gonna mail it out. It usually takes three to five business days.”Now within the first week –five business days, we go over the application. We also do a criminal background check.”

MISSISSAUGAWATCH

That’s not a problem.

MINISTRY OF COMMUNITY SAFETY AND CORRECTIONAL SERVICES:

OK, good. So if anything comes up, we’ll give you a call. But if you don’t hear from us next week, you’ll [receive your license..].”

MISSISSAUGAWATCH

Fantastic.

MINISTRY OF COMMUNITY SAFETY AND CORRECTIONAL SERVICES:

Any questions or anything?

MISSISSAUGAWATCH

uh… (pauses to think…) No.

MINISTRY OF COMMUNITY SAFETY AND CORRECTIONAL SERVICES:

[inaudible]

MINISTRY OF COMMUNITY SAFETY AND CORRECTIONAL SERVICES:

Have a great day.

VIDEO CAMERA TURNED OFF

VIDEO TRANSCRIPT ENDS

Signed,

The (Like I said, a Root of Youth Violence) Mississauga Muse

Comments

One Response to “HEY TORONTO STAR! FOR LAUGHS, TODAY I DROPPED DOWN 80 BUCKS AND NOW THIS (ALMOST) 60 YEAR OLD FEMALE IS A SECURITY GUARD TOO!”

  1. The Bright Snoop on September 20th, 2009 8:53 am

    To be clear, you’re not a security guard yet. You’ll get your license soon, but you won’t be a security guard until someone hires you. When can Jamie Hillis expect your application?


Bear